Ew.

I get it. It's gross. You probably don't want to see it or read about it. That's okay. I'm going to be a little proud of myself anyway. A little smug, even. And endlessly grateful. 

You see, I fancy a man named Andrew. That's him there. 

And here's where it gets SUPER BETTER. He fancies me back. How do I know this? Well, we tell each other with great regularity that we like each other.  We're really good friends. We spend a lot of time hanging out, going on adventures, eating food, listening to music and engaging in all sorts of general merriment. We have loads in common and even more to learn about each other. Sometimes we like each other so much that we get nauseous in each other's presence. Yeah, we're self-awarely vomit-inducing, not so much in public, but definitely in more exclusive contexts. 

We met about 3 weeks after I arrived back into Dublin. I won't sicken you with the circumstances in which we met, but suffice to to say we've been hanging out ever since.

Now, you may have heard me say things like "Coming back to Dublin has been tough" or "It's been a struggle of a journey" or "Get your fingers out of my chicken pot pie." All of these statement have been said at one point, and they all hold some merit. Coming back to Dublin has been extremely hard. After 10 months, I will FINALLY get to unpack this Sunday and settle into a place that I will live in for an extended period of time instead of being a suitcase wanderer. And it HAS been a struggle of a journey. I have been unemployed and overemployed and underpaid and fired and hired and spat on. And I really want you to get your fingers out of my chicken pot pie!

But I have been incredibly lucky to have met this man. He has given me companionship and understanding and support and love in some very isolating and hurtful and confusing times. He is an oasis of a being. And (I tell him this sometimes) I have no idea what the future holds. Maybe it works out, maybe it doesn't. But even with all the hardship, he has made coming back to Ireland totally worth it and I would do it all again.     hahkkggggg

Sorry, I just gagged a bit there...

So, in 7 weeks time I will board a plane with this man so that I can go see my family in Chicago and introduce them to the guy that I've been hanging out with for nearly a year. And he can meet the family and friends I have so desperately missed for a year. We will rent a car and spend two weeks in the States. We will drive to the UP of Michigan so that we can visit his sister and her family. I will show him where I grew up, the school I went to, where Aunt Mary used to live. We'll walk around Chicago and meet up with my sister and friends. And then we'll fly back home to Ireland together. 

And then shortly after we come back he will take me to a Little Dragon concert just before the one year mark of when we first met. I'm so incredibly lucky that I get to hang out with this mad, crazy, eccentric, talented, amazing man.  haaaaaaaahkkkggg

So, that's all I wanted to share. Thanks for reading. And I'm sorry if this was overly self-indulgent. hashtagsorrynotsorry. I hope someone was around to hold your hair back. End of romantic gratitude rant.

"Struggle to Understanding", or "I Like Commas"

O, hai friends.

Fancy meeting you here.

Welp, here's another overdue blog post. It's genuinely quite difficult to blog when the circumstances you're living through is extremely confusing. I become simultaneously angry and hopeful, doubting and trusting, sad and overjoyed. Mostly, I just don't know how to articulate my fears and hopes in a blog capacity. Or maybe it's that I don't want to admit to myself what I'm going through, much less to you fine readers. 

It's been 5+ months since my last post. In that time I was fired from waitressing for reasons I do not know, I got another job door-to-door fundraising for UNICEF (I've recently moved into the office there), I moved house about 6 times (I've recently moved into a house that I will be living in for a while), I've been broke, scared, in love, supported, hopeful, euphoric, overwhelmed, tired, anxiety-ridden, hateful, lonely, hugged,  and kissed. And through it all, I feel as though I have had no choice but to keep choosing things that I think are right and maintaining trust in the Universe that I am exactly where I am meant to be. 

I've been taken advantage of by people I thought I could trust and by people I knew I shouldn't trust but did anyway. I've had to fight for myself, and sometimes I've had to fight with myself to do it. I've missed my family every step of the way, but I also know that part of my journey is to do this without them. 

I know that I am living a dream. I know that the reason why I came back to Ireland was because it was going to be a tough ride and I was going to discover a lot because of that. My perspective of Ireland has shifted this time around as well. I find beauty in this country differently than the last time I was here. And I know more of Dublin city than I had before. And it's been tough. And it's been brilliant. 

It's bizarre to live in these times, isn't it? I grew up before and during this technological revolution. Going to college doesn't ensure work anymore, governments are failing it's people, and debt has become the new way of life, not just for individuals, but for entire countries. Violence is broadcast more than ever, the revolution will not be televised, but everything else will be. The internet contains all of the information in the world, but many of us would rather look at cats. Language is changing (lol!), and so is understanding. It's a confusing time, but we have more resources then we've ever had. I am concerned and hopeful for myself and for all of humanity. We've never been as connected to each other as we are right now. I hope we use it for good. 

I'm still trying to find ways to fulfill myself creatively, but in the meantime I have found solid work and a place to live. It's taken me 9 months to do it, but I've done it. I'm still dating the same man, and I am properly head over heels for him. What a gift he has been. And I don't know what the future holds, but he has made these past 9 months really magical.   

That's all for now, folks. I wish you love and peace and light.  

Oh, and here are some photos of me:

A Delayed Update

This new blog post has been a long time a-comin'.

I suppose the delay has a lot to do with the fact that it's been a slow process getting settled, and it's tough to post about things that are, well, tough. It hasn't been all shamrocks and Guinness and rainbows since I've been back, and that's really the part of the story that I prefer telling. 

But life is life. And life ISN'T all shamrocks and Guinness and rainbows all of the time. So, I've decided to give you a little update anyway.

I arrived back in Dublin at the beginning of November. I started working for a pretty sweet cocktail lounge/nightclub with the marketing manager as well as on the door doing some hostessing/pseudo-security. After the holidays, I wasn't scheduled for very many hours at all and it was tough trying to make ends meet. I started job searching and submitting my resume to a bunch of places before the same venue had an opening for floor staff. So, as of a couple weeks ago I am now finally working full time as cocktail waitress/hostess/pseudo-security, and soon they'll have me back in the office helping with events and marketing stuff.

I've been staying with a good friend of mine this entire time, but I will hopefully be moving into my own space sometime in the next week or so. Having my own place will help me feel settled and it'll give me a sense of accomplishing what I came over here to do in the first place. I've been taking improv classes, which has been great, and I recently heard back from a music festival regarding the potential for projector art. This particular music festival is themed around camper-vans. Lucky for me, the lad I fancy happens to be a proud owner of a beautiful one (a dream I've had since I was 13): 

So that's really it for me here. Sorry it's taken me so long to update. I haven't even properly left Dublin since I've been back. I'm hoping that will all change very soon though, and when it does I'll make sure to let you know.

And, as always, thanks for reading and I love you.

A Year and Some Change

Well, here we are again.

To be honest I never thought this blog would see another entry. But here we are.

I'm moving back to Ireland.

It's no secret that I love that country. If you've talked to me at all over the past year (or the past 4 years) you know firsthand that Ireland comes up in most conversations. It isn't out of bragging that I do it, but because Ireland runs through my veins so completely that it's hard to detach from it. Nay, it's impossible to detach myself from it. I told myself before I left Dublin that I would give it 3 months back in the States and if I fell back into old habits or didn't find what I was looking for, I would go back across the pond. When I returned, 3 months seemed hardly long enough, so I gave myself 6. After 6 months things still hadn't lined up but I thought I should give myself a year. It's now been a year and some change. And even though I "told" myself I would go back to Dub if it didn't work out, I can't say I actually expected it to happen. It's a whirlwind again. A combination of fear and excitement and disbelief and gratitude and anxiety and relief.

Amazing things had to line up for this to happen.
So, here we are.

I've gotten a lot of mixed response from other people regarding my decision. Most people are excited for me. Many of them expected this. And some of them are shocked that I came back at all.
But then there are the people who are very concerned for me, who are afraid that I'm running away from something, who believe I am jumping the gun and leaving too soon. There are some who believe I am being overly selfish and irresponsible, who believe that living in Ireland once should have been enough.
It makes decision-making harder when people you love don't understand, but I've learned that most of the time they respond this way out of love, even if it's misunderstood. I must constantly remind myself that I am the only one who will have to really live with the consequences of my actions, and that I am choosing what I think is correct for my life.

I've learned a lot this year. When I returned I never really acclimated into a social group. The friends I had when I left for Dublin are still my friends, but the connection is no longer as strong. I don't love them any less, but our paths have taken different directions it seems. The majority of my social group now comes from work and from cast members. These people have been a saving grace in an otherwise socially isolated year.  But Ireland has a pace that I know and love. It's a movement that I relate to and identify with. I know who I am there and how I fit in.

Am I running? Nah. I mean, sure. You could call it that. I don't call it that, but you could if you wanted to. But I'm also not afraid of that term, nor do I think it needs to have some sort of "doom and gloom" connotation. I'm leaving. Quickly. Walking quickly isn't a run. It also isn't not a run. But I'm leaving. Quickly.

I am a single, childless, self-aware female who owns no property aside from a vehicle. I don't want to run out of time for adventures and the Universe has plopped an opportunity in my lap. I got what I asked for, and I'll be damned if I don't take. The possibility of the insane magnitude of regret NOT taking this opportunity is too heavy to carry. I am not willing to pass this up. I want to go where I believe I am most at peace. And I get to. And I'm gonna do it. And it's scary. And I'm gonna do it. So...

Here we are.  A Year and Some Change later.

This Way to Enchantment

Welp,

It's my final blog post whilst on the isle.

I would like to take this opportunity to thank everyone for reading and for the endless love and support I have gotten while I've been here. I am so grateful for everything and this experience has been the biggest blessing and life changer I could have ever asked for. I need to thank my family for loving me unconditionally and for understanding why I've been away for two years. I need to thank my friends who are stateside for encouraging me to go on this journey. I cannot wait to hug them all again. I need to thank my friends that I met on my travels. Without them, I would not have gained the global scope that I feel I have (and I still have a long ways to go!) I will hopefully see them all again in the not-so-distant future.

I have to thank the Irish. They have taught me what it means to be unapologetically social. I hope I never lose the wit, the craic, and the ability to befriend a stranger.

And finally, I have to thank the hostess, Eire. The auld sod. The Emerald Isle, the island, good Mother Ireland. She has shown me beauty beyond comprehension. The greenest green that has e'er been seen. My second home. She's been good to me, and I will return someday.

I was able to make one last trip to the country this week. I went back to my favourite spot: Glendalough.

I went with Jasmin and Adam, and we had a beautiful time. We went to St. Saviour's Church (the secret garden chapel), basked in the sun, got caught in the rain, skipped stones, went swimming in the lake, lit off some paper lanterns, looked for stars, climbed a mountain, threw stones at a post on top of said mountain (it was actually a lot of fun), and returned to Dub.

While I was walking down the streets of Dublin for the last time tonight, I started to ponder what my life would be like back in the states. The way it would smell and feel compared to Ireland.  I had a pang of fear that perhaps I wasn't doing the right thing. I began to wonder if going back to live in the states was the right choice. Then I saw this, and I knew that going back to the states was the PERFECT choice. The Universe is always giving us affirmation if we look for it.

So back to the States I go. The next enchanting adventure awaits. 

I love you all. Thank you for literally EVERYTHING.

The Next Chapter

Well.

I cannot believe it's been nearly two years since I first arrived in Ireland. A lot has happened, and my global and self perceptions have changed dramatically. But this chapter will end very soon and I will start a new one once again.

On the 27th of August, 2012 I will be on a flight back to Chicago. I don't have too much of a plan but it does consist of classes in sketch comedy and work in an Irish pub. It's going to be a great adventure to be back in the states, and I cannot WAIT to see my family and friends. We'll see what happens from there. At this stage, I will keep all doors open to possibility.

Small things in Ireland that I love:
Eggs are not refrigerated
I walk everywhere or take public transport
All of the light switches for the bathrooms are on the outside of the door
There are no screens on windows
Snails are everywhere when it's damp
It's often damp
Pay-as-you-go phone plans are a standard
The smell of turf is unsurpassed awesomeness
A few coins in your pocket can equal 20 euros
There are no guns - not even the cops carry them


Anyway, I am in love with this country. No matter how you slice it, this has been the most amazing experience of my life. There is a small part of me that has a bit of trepidation about returning to the states because I am not returning the same person that left. I philosophise more. I spell things with S's instead of Z's. I've put the U back in colour and humour. A lot of the time I sound sort of American, sort of Irish, and sort of Canadian. I love myself differently. I care about things differently. And if you can believe it, I am more liberal than when I left. I rediscovered my creativity out here, and I've become creative in ways that I never even imagined.

To end this post, I will leave you with the link to the short film I worked on. I hope you enjoy:

http://youtu.be/0qazryy0DFQ

Much love to you all, and I will see some of you soon.

Graduation Shenanigans

I am not the same person I was a year and seven months ago.

My body has gotten a year and seven months older, my brain has gone through a barrage of changes and transitions, my spirit has grown, all of me has traveled.

This blog was started a year and seven months ago just before I arrived in Ireland.

The day that I flew into Dublin was a pretty mild and overcast day. I had to go to campus right away for registration which took place in the "Public Theatre" building. It's over 200 years old and I remember being in awe when I saw the place. I thought the pictures on the walls were going to start moving like they do in Hogwarts. There is an organ loft above the entrance with a beautifully pristine gold-trimmed organ. At the time I wondered if it still worked. This building was one of the first things I took pictures of when I arrived.

Yesterday morning I went back into this building that I had registered for college in, except this time was different. This time, chairs were set-up in rows. A big table stretched across the front, and a wooden podium was off to the stage left side. It was a beautifully sunny spring day and the green of the leaves and grass popped against the deep blue of the sky, and the large windows framed the trees and let in the sunlight. The organ had a person playing Barber's Adagio for Strings on it.

The commencement ceremony was all in Latin, a tradition that has maintained since the school came into being in the 1600's. We were called up to the stage by our names 5 or 6 at a time. We stood in front of the panel of proctors and they spoke to us in Latin before we were then awarded our degrees. As I was handed the parchment, I felt a great deal of pride and excitement. Officially I am a Master of Philosophy (M.Phil.). I became the first person in my family to have one, and I couldn't have done it without the love and support of so many people. I thought about my family and how much I missed them, but I also thought how amazing this whole experience has been. As we exited the stage, we signed a book to document that we were officially graduates. We took our seats again and they called up the next 5 or 6 people.

My two incredibly good friends, Melaine and Jasmin, were there supporting me, and my entire class was there as well. Those who had moved back to the states flew in for this occasion and we all were able to celebrate and close this chapter together.

We had a wine reception in a tent by the campanille in Trinity's square, and then we roamed the campus and took lots of pictures.

Jasmin, Myself, Melaine

My classmates Dianne and Eric

Afterward, we had lunch and went out for celebratory drinks last night. It was a really wonderful day. I don't know exactly what comes next. There are a few possibilities out there and I am now reassessing what I want and where I want to go. This experience is the greatest and craziest thing I've ever done, but it's also taught me that I love doing great and crazy things. I am actively thinking about the next adventure...

If you're reading this, Thank You. At some point in time you helped me get to this place in my life, and I couldn't have done it without every experience leading up to this point. I am forever grateful for you, and I love you.